Saturday, March 27, 2010
Back on track...
Down 17 since Jan. 11. 38 to go. And you know what's crazy, it doesn't feel impossible. Onward and downward.
Monday, March 22, 2010
DWTS, how could you do this to me?
From the very beginning of Dancing with the Stars, when it was just a 10-week stop-gap show so that ABC wouldn't have dead air in the middle of the summer, I have loved it. Every season, there are have been people who were awesome and people who sucked. Over the seasons, natural stereotypes emerged and they've been played into more and more each year. I'm sad to say that this season, from the announcement of the cast and with half an hour left to go in the premiere, this is without doubt the most disappointing season yet. I might even say it's the only time I've been disappointed.
Kate Gosselin is the one I have the most against. I loved Jon & Kate Plus 8 when it was just about a family and not about all the free stuff they could hoard while explointing their fame. She is a recently divorced mother of EIGHT. EIGHT kids under the age of 10. What the HELL is she doing throwing herself into a competition that could last 3 months with 8 hours of practice a day. What the hell is she thinking?? I can tell you... She's thinking "Cha CHING." Money grubbing whore.
The whole thing just pisses me off and the fact that I'm now complaining about what used to be the one thing a week I looked forward to pisses me off even more. GRRRRRR.
Kate Gosselin is the one I have the most against. I loved Jon & Kate Plus 8 when it was just about a family and not about all the free stuff they could hoard while explointing their fame. She is a recently divorced mother of EIGHT. EIGHT kids under the age of 10. What the HELL is she doing throwing herself into a competition that could last 3 months with 8 hours of practice a day. What the hell is she thinking?? I can tell you... She's thinking "Cha CHING." Money grubbing whore.
The whole thing just pisses me off and the fact that I'm now complaining about what used to be the one thing a week I looked forward to pisses me off even more. GRRRRRR.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Girl Scout Cookies are the DEV-IL.
Shitballs. I was doing so well with the girl scout cookies and now, bam. I am sitting here, in an exercise in stupidity and self-destructiveness, watching The Biggest Loser WHILE eating tagalongs out of the tray. Dana. You're an idiot. Really, a huge idiot. March has not been such a good month - no, okay, let me rephrase, I have not been good in March. Not March's fault. I have this idea in my head that because it's my birthday month, that I'm allowed to slip back into my old ways. Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
I think now I'm just turning to damage control. I know I'm not winning the modular challenge this month. I need to get rid of these cookies and just completely start over again. Restart all my rules and not waver. I think I have to ground myself from The Olive again. Balls. I really missed The Olive.
I think now I'm just turning to damage control. I know I'm not winning the modular challenge this month. I need to get rid of these cookies and just completely start over again. Restart all my rules and not waver. I think I have to ground myself from The Olive again. Balls. I really missed The Olive.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
No posts in 2010?
Until J.Rho asked me why I haven't posted in 2010, I didn't realize that I hadn't posted since I did that "Year in Review" one and here it is, the Middle of March already. Sorry, I'm so slow!!
So far, 2010 is going pretty well. Work was really difficult for awhile because I was cruising along with my little wonderchild, starting to read and write and BAM, "congratulations," you're getting switched to a much more difficult and much more physically aggressive kid because you're doing "such a good job." I've seen it before, I've experienced it before but that doesn't make it any easier. At camp, we do it to the best counselors. The logic is this: You're so capable and you're doing such a great job that we are going to load you up with the most difficult kids to manage because we know YOU can do it and our confidence in your peers is less so. Really, this is a reward. What it feels like is a punishment. It's a pat on the back complete with new procedures that are constantly changing to adapt to new behaviors and bruises. Congrats and watch your face for the headbutts. Yay. For a while, I had a huge chip on my shoulder about it but I can see improvement. I can see that even though it's not great, it's getting better every day... because of my effort.
Two nights ago, I had a dream that my dad died. I remember parts of it and planning the funeral and being at the funeral and feeling the loss and being devastated. When I woke up, I still had that sick feeling and I had to remind myself that it wasn't real. When I got on facebook later, I saw that my friend's dad had passed away overnight. The worst loss I've experienced in my life was when Max died and it physically makes me feel a pit in my stomach when I think about it. I still get teary talking about it. I can't imagine feeling that loss as it relates to a family member, a parent especially. I know the two events aren't related in the least, but I do find it kind of eerie that I had that dream about my dad and then woke up to find out that someone else had just lost theirs.
Tonight on TLC, there are specials on Hoarding and they're breaking my heart. This one lady just seems so sad and ashamed and out of control. I can't imagine that feeling. Hearing her talk about having to move things around because she has a mental block about throwing anything away and hear the shame, it just hurts me. It's making me tear up. What she must feel, it kind of seems like an actual tightness or squeezing coming from inside, a physical reaction around this mental state. Ugh. It hurts.
I've lost about 14 lbs in the last 7 or 8 weeks. After New Years, looking at the pictures of myself, I was like uh oh, not again. I could see that double chin creeping back. Time to do something. I specifically asked my brother for Biggest Loser workout DVDs for Christmas because I know that I don't have money to spend on the gym and the fact is, I wouldn't go even if I did. Working out is something I need to do by myself or with one other person. But I can see improvement, I've gone down a pants size, I need new clothes, and I have goals that I'm working towards. The thing I'm learning more and more is that setting of goals is really important. Even if I don't completely reach my goal, the idea of working toward something is purpose enough to keep going. Slowly but surely, it's working. Since I graduated from college, I've lost 40 lbs... awesome, right? Yes, it is, but the less awesome thing is that I still have 40 more to go. It's not awesome but now, I know I can do it. Dammit, I will do it.
I'm gonna do it.
So far, 2010 is going pretty well. Work was really difficult for awhile because I was cruising along with my little wonderchild, starting to read and write and BAM, "congratulations," you're getting switched to a much more difficult and much more physically aggressive kid because you're doing "such a good job." I've seen it before, I've experienced it before but that doesn't make it any easier. At camp, we do it to the best counselors. The logic is this: You're so capable and you're doing such a great job that we are going to load you up with the most difficult kids to manage because we know YOU can do it and our confidence in your peers is less so. Really, this is a reward. What it feels like is a punishment. It's a pat on the back complete with new procedures that are constantly changing to adapt to new behaviors and bruises. Congrats and watch your face for the headbutts. Yay. For a while, I had a huge chip on my shoulder about it but I can see improvement. I can see that even though it's not great, it's getting better every day... because of my effort.
Two nights ago, I had a dream that my dad died. I remember parts of it and planning the funeral and being at the funeral and feeling the loss and being devastated. When I woke up, I still had that sick feeling and I had to remind myself that it wasn't real. When I got on facebook later, I saw that my friend's dad had passed away overnight. The worst loss I've experienced in my life was when Max died and it physically makes me feel a pit in my stomach when I think about it. I still get teary talking about it. I can't imagine feeling that loss as it relates to a family member, a parent especially. I know the two events aren't related in the least, but I do find it kind of eerie that I had that dream about my dad and then woke up to find out that someone else had just lost theirs.
Tonight on TLC, there are specials on Hoarding and they're breaking my heart. This one lady just seems so sad and ashamed and out of control. I can't imagine that feeling. Hearing her talk about having to move things around because she has a mental block about throwing anything away and hear the shame, it just hurts me. It's making me tear up. What she must feel, it kind of seems like an actual tightness or squeezing coming from inside, a physical reaction around this mental state. Ugh. It hurts.
I've lost about 14 lbs in the last 7 or 8 weeks. After New Years, looking at the pictures of myself, I was like uh oh, not again. I could see that double chin creeping back. Time to do something. I specifically asked my brother for Biggest Loser workout DVDs for Christmas because I know that I don't have money to spend on the gym and the fact is, I wouldn't go even if I did. Working out is something I need to do by myself or with one other person. But I can see improvement, I've gone down a pants size, I need new clothes, and I have goals that I'm working towards. The thing I'm learning more and more is that setting of goals is really important. Even if I don't completely reach my goal, the idea of working toward something is purpose enough to keep going. Slowly but surely, it's working. Since I graduated from college, I've lost 40 lbs... awesome, right? Yes, it is, but the less awesome thing is that I still have 40 more to go. It's not awesome but now, I know I can do it. Dammit, I will do it.
I'm gonna do it.
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